Rebecca Black - Friday

OMG. Can I say that on here? OHMYGOD.

First of all, every single person in that video (minus the Usher-wannabe cameo) is actually 11 years old. Maybe 12. What kind of parties do 11 and 12 year olds go to on Fridays? Pajama parties? If this music video is implying that these kids just go BUCK WILD on Fridays and are getting schwasted, then I need to just sit down and have a moment to myself.

Friday nights, when I was 12, consisted of renting movies and staying up until 11. And that, my friends, was badass. Sometimes a friend would come over and we would call a boy and giggle until he got too annoyed and hung up.

This video is the epitome of bad music composing, bad singing, bad cinematography, and bad sound mixing. WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA? The only thing I got out of the song was that I learned my weekdays. OH, Thursday comes before Friday. I was confused, really glad that just got straightened out.

Rebecca Black sounds like she has a clothespin stuck on her nose the entire song. She can't sing. She can't even dance, she just awkwardly sways? Her friends driving the convertible aren't even old enough to get their permits. And even if they were, there would need to be an adult present in that vehicle!

Usher-wannabe is rapping about a schoolbus being in his way. But the song is about Friday nights. What kind of schoolbus is getting in your way on a Friday night? Where are you going? What are you trying to do creeper!?

In the 3 minutes and 48 seconds of my life that I wasted watching that on YouTube, over 300 people disliked the video and it got 2 likes. OVER 300 PEOPLE. IN LESS THAN 4 MINUTES. Rebecca Black, sweet child, please never sing again. Or do, just don't put it on YouTube, for all our sakes. For shame to whoever wrote that song. Just, for shame.

Here's the link in case you want to suffer alongside of me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CD2LRROpph0

!

This is just a test. Disregard.

First Thoughts of the Year

Is it horrifying that I can legitimately say that and it's the fifty fourth day of the year. Oh it's only the fifty fourth day of the year. I'm fine. A little late, but I'm fine. I intended to be this late. Swearsies.

Here's the down low on the situation. By situation I'm unsure of what I mean, I'm kind of winging it right now.

1. It's snowing. Do you remember when the snow used to be magical? It's not magical anymore. Okay, sometimes it's magical. I think I'm just bitter because snow = ice = slipping = ego deflation = bruised tailbone. And I somehow still have to struggle to class because our university doesn't believe in school closure.

1.1 Did I ever tell you about the time I thought my tailbone was going to fall off? On Halloween a few years ago, the year I was dressed as a mob boss in my dad's suit (unbeknownst to him), Jeremy thought it would be a really funny ordeal to pull up a chair for me and then literally pull up a chair for me. I sat down, because you know I thought he was doing something nice. Have you ever tried to sit on the air? It has yet to work out for me. I was walking like ...well, I was walking pretty funny for the next few days. Yes, I'm still a little bitter.

2. The cap'n. In my biological anthropology class we have a lab where we identify bones. This week, our lab was forensics based and we had to determine, sex, approximate age at death, height, and cause of death of a real human skeleton. Well, our group kept lovingly referring to our crumbly skull as the "Cap'n". Why? Not sure. But as we slowly determined that a) he was a he, b) he was on the short side, and c) he died pretty young, we also discovered that HE WAS ACTUALLY A CAPTAIN. Homeboy died in a drowning accident. Maybe we're jumping to conclusions here, maybe he fell in a creek on a nature hike or something. But actually, I think homeboy cap'n was actually a captain. In my mind he was a captain on an old school boat and he got caught in an epic storm and the crew did their best to salvage the boat but it sank and the captain unfortunately went down with his ship. Realistically his isn't possible because his skeleton is pretty well preserved and I don't know how easily his body would have been retrieved in an epic storm.

2.1 I can't believe I just wrote "preserved" and "body" and "retrieved" in the same sentence. That has to be the first time that's ever happened in my life.

3. Haikus. I'm starting a brother blog to this one. You know how everything has a "sister". The sister store or the sister location or the sister blah blah. Well, this isn't a sister blog. This is a brother blog. And I'm writing one Haiku every day from February 23, 2011 - February 23, 2012. Yes, I'm really doing it.

3.1 The brother blog is located here: www.haikuthree65.blogspot.com. Enjoy yourself.

Because I Follow Through

Despite the fact that it's a little over three weeks later, regardless, I follow through.

I completed the project that I mentioned below, but unfortunately for you, I can't share it with you because it happens to be a Christmas present for someone who might actually read this. I'm not saying they will, I'm saying it's possible. And that would ruin the surprise, I feel like.

On a completely different note, I was very embarrassed last night when I was able to identify the Maryland state flag in under one second during a game of Cranium. Awkward. I can't help that I used to have a chart of all the flags in my room when I was younger, state information was my FAVORITE. Why am I so weird? Own it.

Ask me the capital of any state and I will tell you*. I used to be able to tell you their state flower and bird as well. I've outgrown that.

* No actual promises that I will 100% get it correct every time. I'm a little rusty.

Eight Part Harmony

I am so sorry that you had to suffer through trials and tribulations without my wisdom guiding your every step. Of course, I don't know what these trials and tribulations are or were, but I feel like if I had been posting blog entries at least I could have momentarily helped you escape from your woes. Or not though. Or maybe. Too much too soon?

SINCE I have been MIA for over a month, I will fill you in on my life.

Part One -- I went to Hawaii. Totally overrated, not that exciting, blah blah. I know that it's sacrilegious to not enjoy every moment of your time in Hawaii, but believe me, it's possible. Hawaii is just painful for me because I'm never there for a good reason. Well I mean, I'm there for a good reason, but trust me, I wish I didn't have to be there for that reason. I'm just going to stop while I'm ahead because right now you have no idea what I'm talking about. Moving on.

Part Two -- I got an A- on my archaeology paper. How? Secrets of the world, my child.

Part Three -- The baby loves who stop and graze occasionally outside my door are multiplying before my eyes. Well, not actually before my eyes. If they were I would look away.

Part Four -- Paranormal Activity 2: waste of $10 and two hours of your life. Don't bother. Or do, though.

Part Five -- Did you know Thousand Island Dressing is named after the Philippines? DO NOT quote me on that. If you're looking for someone to quote on that, contact me and I will give you his name and social security number.

Part Six -- Something is wrong with me because I suddenly love orange juice. That actually is sacrilegious.

Part Seven -- I got new socks. And the girl in my dance class commented on them today, because she has the same socks, and she loves my socks, and I love her socks. Socks, socks, socks.

Part Eight -- I'm about to start my newest and most fun project of the year. Stay tuned, I will post it when it's completed.

Noooo!

Yesterday, a horse chomped my finger.

I know! His name is Crocker and I'd spent the last half an hour of my life trying to grab his tongue while my friend Sarah rode the other horses at the barn she helps out at. It's called the tongue-grabbing game. And I grabbed that gangly tongue, multiple times. But Crocker started to catch on and sucked my finger into his mouth and gave it a delicate, love chomp. "CROCKER! You bastard. Don't DO that!" But how can you stay mad at that face.

On a different note. It's Tuesday, do you know what that means? No, not Glee. Don't be that person. It means TEEN MOM. And you know we only have two more episodes of Teen Mom. I mean holy crap. Can someone please tell me what I'm going to do with my Tuesday nights from 10 - 11pm? I'm SERIOUS.

And on a different note, I just realized I'm going to miss the season finale of Jersey Shore. I need a moment to myself.

Loser = Me.

Before I go on a long-winded probably entirely too scattered one way discussion, please find a comfortable sitting place. You may in fact, want to lay, if possible. Because that's what I'm doing. And obviously whatever I'm doing, you should be doing.

I really do have some serious thoughts that need to escape, so don't skip over the beginning of this. Or do. I don't really care. Do what you want.

Can we make a hypothetical situation, hypothetical? Hypothetically speaking, of course.

Let's say you know someone, whose name starts with, oh I don't know, P. I would say that you and P are pretty close friends. I mean, you don't hang out every day, but you talk often enough and it's a two way street; you guys care about each other. Now lets just say that P is sort of turning into a man whore. Sorry, too blunt? P is sort of overly abusing his sexual mannerisms? What do you say to P? Seriously, what do you say? Because I'm at a loss for words. What if you don't want P to be a man whore anymore? P is a male, by the way. By man whore, I mean a man who is turning into a whore, if that wasn't clear.

And don't chastise me for being too harsh because you have NO IDEA what I'm going through because of this. My stomach is in knots just thinking about it.

Ew, I'm sorry for the seriousness of that all. We can move on from that. But I don't really want to move on right now. This blog is called Define: Kendall, so I'm going to define myself for you damnit, and this is defining ME right now!!!! I'm not even going to throw into the mix my other problems. I'd rather they didn't surface on a publicly available forum.

I just feel like I'm losing. There's no other way to put it. I am losing, and there's no way I can win because every solution I think of involves me losing. I'll be back.